I'm walking through my day today: school, studying(not really), babysitting little Lola, last minute items for the evening's torture, oh I mean festivities, spending too much( that I don't have) on candy, delivering caramel apples to #5's school, finishing a pumpkin #3 didn't have the patience to finish last night, trying to clean the house(I could swear it was clean last night), dinner?(the eternal question),etc.
Inside me: cascading sheets of rain, a thunder crack and it pours faster and harder, the dams are breaking, the landscape flooding, water everywhere. Grief is washing through me, winding it's way through every nook and cranny, on a crashing course that moves everything out of it's way.
I want to crumple down into it and just be washed away with it. Why do I have to keep standing?...
Boys that need me. Boys that do not need the legacy of a mom who quit on them. I'm hanging on to that guys. I don't want to leave you. Somehow we will be lifted up onto dry land. I'll keep holding on until help comes. I promise. I know it seems awful now, but it's gonna be o.k.
At least, that's what they all say.
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