Can't sleep for crying

It's 2am. I woke up crying and can't stop.It seeps out of me like blood from a deep wound,pumping with each beat of the heart. I miss him. He doesn't want to even see me anymore because I'm such a mess.He makes love to someone else now. The sickest part is that it's the frenzy of a baby whose mother is pushing it away. The one who would comfort you doesn't want you anymore-turns cold, becomes a stranger, doesn'
t remember you anymore. Where once there was an open door, is now, a brick wall with no way around it. Eventually, the baby stops crying, stops struggling and pleading. lays down to die in a stupor of neglect. It is a sick joke to let someone trust you, and then once they do, humiliate them with it-act like you don't know what they're talking about. Oh, how funny, you thought I loved you. It's horrifying to realize you've been had, betrayed, set up,made the fool. The shame of it. Letting someone see your need, feel your vulnerability,touch your weakness and then stab you in the back with it. What remains after this? You begin to disappear from the inside out, a pernicious shriveling, until there is nothing left but a shell. I'm still trying to find my mom, aren't I? Still trying to find a lap that will welcome me. A face that will recognize me. There's a ghost of a child roaming around inside. Can't be laid to rest until she finds her mom. She can't find her anywhere, so she wails and screams,cries the possessed sobs of mourning. I want to help her. I want her to be at peace. She is looking for something that has been gone so long. Somehow she won't accept it. How to comfort this little one?