hangin' on by the fingertips

I don't have much to say really, I just want to keep up with this and be consistent with it whether it's anything significant or not. As much as I'm tempted to isolate, I have to stay connected. I am just terrible at this loneliness thing. The feeling of being all alone in the world sneaks up on me sometimes and just swallows me whole.

I've been better lately. It seems like I've made it over the hump as far as the crying goes and I've made a few steps forward into this unknown new world. It's a tightrope, but okay as long as I don't look down.

I'm still making my way through school and doing pretty well so far. Things are going to get much harder now that the research project is heating up and I have another research paper coming up too. Tonight I have to finish the introduction section for my project and I'm panicking somewhat. I have the information, but just can't seem to put it together. It's due tomorrow and we also have a test tomorrow so I'm feeling the usual procrastinator's pinch. I go back and forth between freaking out and saying "I can't do this", to deep breaths, and "Okay, I've got this covered". It's the old "act as if" technique. Act as if you are a calm, competent college student who takes a silly paper in stride. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I hate anxiety!

Pray for drummer boy. He has been so depressed and irritable lately and he won't tell me what's going on. In fact, he won't talk to me at all. This weekend the Booster club is honoring the senior soccer players and parents at the game. I feel the lump in my throat already. I can't believe he's going to be graduating this year. I have no idea how to do all this senior "stuff"-pictures, colleges, etc. As much as he drives me nuts, I will miss him so.