Once upon a time in a halfway house far, far, away a young woman ravaged by hurt, by shame, and too much self-medicating tried to pray, yearned to pray, but knew that words could never embody the desire in her heart. She lay on the dirty wood floor of this dirty, despair-filled place and began to shake with the depth of her crying and bubbling up from amongst the tears-a tune. A familiar tune...from long ago-from a little girl's heart sitting in children's church singing " Lord, I want to be a Christian in My Heart".
This little song was my only prayer, but it was the truest prayer I ever prayed and I find myself praying this song again because the words won't come.
4 comments:
Jan, your righting is captivating (sorry if I keep saying that - but it is). This short paragraph says so much of the hurt and pain, the despair...but then a little light shines from your memory and brings you to back to Christ.
It reminds me of the verse that tells us when we can't find the words to pray the Holy Spirit will pray for us.
Find someone to walk alongside you. Find someone to ask you the questions and listen to your answers. Find someone you can ask questions of that won't PREACH at you but that will LISTEN to your questions. Find someone who LOVES HIM so much as to be able to do all of this....or write it all here ALL OF IT....loving and praying for you In Christ becky
jan, we are all here, praying the prayers alongside of you. you may not be able to see us, but it is my hope you can feel our prayers for you and your boys sustaining you.
it is good that you are letting all of this out and not keeping it bottled up inside of you...we are here to listen.
penni
Thanks for the comments and the tip on how you handle social settings (without booze!) I will try that. I think I rather go to the dentist than a party!!! :)
Prayed for you on my drive to work today!
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