I wake today to realize that tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I am responsible for making it a nice day for everyone and providing the usual feast. My parents are making the 5 hour trip and will be here this evening. A few others may be coming as well. The jury is still out on Steve(I'm aware it makes no rational sense to have him here). He told the boys he wants to be with his" family" for Thanksgiving. The boys are set on him being here.
My house is a disaster. I have not done any shopping or planning. I wish I were in a hospital bed curled up in the fetal position staring at the wall. I do not want to do this. I do not have the will to do this, but I have to, and somehow, someway I am guessing I will. I imagine I will tap into the same energy that allows mothers to lift cars off their trapped children. Tomorrow afternoon, we will find ourselves sitting around a pretty table, in a clean house. I will be carrying a golden brown turkey to the table, my hair will be done and I will be smiling and talking, maybe even a laugh or two. There will be homemade pies and the usual oohs and ahs. And I will pray that those moments when I disappear to the bathroom, nobody hears my sobbing.
10 comments:
From my experience, when I set really high expectations on myself and on others it creates resentments, fear and unneeded stress. Thanksgiving is a time for family, to rejoice in being together. I am sure that if everything is not as perfect as you expect it to be, nobody will notice except you. We are our own worst critics. I'll bet everyone will be giving thanks for this day they can spend with one another. Happy Thanksgiving!
I hope the day is a good one...that some unexpected blessing comes your way and that your day is full of an awareness of grace. peace be with you Jan.
Sweetie, if you need to cry with someone take your phone in the bathroom and call me. Are you okay with Steve coming over??? I know you want to make everyone else happy, but what is best for YOU at this time?
Perhaps it's boring to hear me say this, but I say it again, Hang in there.
jan, i am thinking of you today, dear one. it will be okay, just rest in the grace of God and you will get through everything with shining colors.
blessings to you and yours.
jan, how'd you fare yesterday?
just stopping by to say hi and give you a hug :)
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